| | Security: | | | Subject: | argh! | | Time: | 10:45 pm | | Current Mood: |  bitchy |
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| yeah so why is that little naggin doubt in the back of my head always right
I never want to listen to it
but its always right
so this girl I'm interested in
is head over heels interested in a different guy
or so it would appear
and I don't want to think anymore on this
its over
on to the next flavor of the month | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | Hipster Daddy-o and The Handgrenades | | Security: | | | Subject: | blargh | | Time: | 04:29 pm | | Current Mood: |  gloomy |
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| been spending more time with my myspace
Blah
I despise the female Pysche
its always confused the fuck out of me
I never know what girls are thinking about
especially when i want to know the most
meh I feel like this will basically turn out like every thing else
I'm not reading this girl right
she doesn't like me like I like her
might as well start looking elsewhere
yeah if you must know who or why
you can just ask me
I'll probably tell you
at least I'm not moping anymore
I think... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| ...
Why bother bitching
you all know the drill
I just wish I could move on
what the fuck did she do to me | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | A New Hope | | Time: | 01:34 pm | | Current Mood: |  flirty |
|
| lol
yeah
Good times
I think I need a different account or something because the lj is getting old
whatev
currently painting the house with my parents
I'm covered in white an blue paint
its insane | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Actually listening to "Disturbed" | | Security: | | | Time: | 12:01 am | | Current Mood: |  rejected |
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| its so easy to get wrapped up in what you want to be
that you forget who you are
who you were
I'm not this strong, and I can't take this anymore
I think something in my brain is gonna pop
that'd be a bad way to go
but at least vegetables don't have to think
you just sit there and drool
I keep buliding myself up
but Its not a thicking
I'm just buliding my false sense of selfesteem higher and higher
and its eventually going to crush me
I don't know who I'm trying to pretend to be right now
But I'm not so sure I like him
I've had so many bad thoughts lately
like the other night
I had the sickest dream
I was just punching and punching this person
well it was a woman
and It might have had some symbolism
but I didn't want to think about that
I just beat her and beat her
the blood from her fractured skull splashed against my face and painted my knuckles crimson
with every punch i took
I shed a tear
I felt worse and worse the more i hit this person
I woke up drenched in sweat screaming and crying
i hated that
I don't want to do that again
that was by far the worst dream I've had in so long
ok fuck all this shit for about 2 minutes
happy things I've done this week/few weeks
-thursday I submitted some poetry to folio haven't written anything in awhile so they were rather old
-I crunched 35 pounds 3 reps of 25 I didn't think i could do this it was insane
-I made some new friends
-some from my lifeguarding class
-some freshman on track
-lol and some random people from random places
-I fixed our second VCR the other day its had "The Lost World" stuck in it for years now
-I ran a 29 on a 200m and I wasn't even all out sprinting
-ran a 17 minute park run also nuts because i would get 20 minutes last season
-I bought a belt from American Eagle
-I never shop there
-way to preppy for me
-and i bought a fucking belt that cost more than 10 dollars!!
thats pretty much all the posistive i can think of right now
unfortunately the negatives do out weigh the posistives but to keep this entry semi-optimistic I'll refrain from sharing them
wow my entry's suck
I could write about paint dryin and it'd be pretty much the same fucking thing
::sigh::
fuck this shit
fuck you
fuck me
we're all just fucked over man
so fuck it all
oh did i mention my favorite word has become fuck
I say it like all the time
and almost everytime I say it I'm thinking about the same thing
the same stupid fucking shit thing
and then i realize its not my fucking fault
I didn't fuck myself over
but then why do i feel like the fuckhole that fucked everything up
the fucker who dared fuck with the fucking shit I so fucking loved
its not my fault
no matter how many times I say that
no matter how many fucking times I force myself to believe that,
adopt the "fuck you, fuck this, fuck everything" attitude,
I'll still be alone with the knowledge that everything I ever wanted is just fucked
fucked
fucked
fucked
and its never going to amount to anything
every happy moment I had to save now has a big black FUCKED stain on it
BAH!!!!!
IT WASN"T!!!
MY FAULT!!!!
all i ever fucking wanted was us
and now I feel like the stalker because I still have these memories
the once happy memories with the big black FUCKED stain
Have I done wrong
Its not my fault
It never was
it was fucked over before it began
envitably like every other fucked thing on this fucked up fucksphere of a fucking planet my one ray of sunshine would also be condemed to the fucked of fuck
ugh
to quote a friend "its only going to get worse before it gets better"
Amen mother fucker
fuck
FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
oh fuck
fuck track i don't want to go tomorrow/today's morning oh well
Sleeping at adrics should be fun
I guess I'll talk to you guys later
if you make it to the end of this bastard
because no on ever comments on my long drawn out rants about vague pathetic shit thats just so fucking easy to figure out | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | ... | | Time: | 05:52 pm | | Current Mood: |  content |
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| I know
You let go
and everything I forgot about comes back to me
reminds me of a BNL song
"Everything Old is new again"
good song
I suggest you check it out
ROCK THE HIZZOUSE!!!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | yeah well | | Time: | 09:30 am | | Current Mood: | lonely |
|
| and the inevitable end comes crashing down upon me
like a thunderstorm on a humid day
you just know its eventually going to rain
how could i have been so blind there were so many signs
I just don't like the whole attitude of this entire situation
tell me how do you forget someone you still Love?
oh well
a few late nights
some poetry
lots of caffene
and who knows how I'll feel | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | Ok | | Time: | 04:26 pm | | Current Mood: | aggravated |
|
| I don't care anymore
I'll bitch in this thing as much as i want
and I won't use fucking "cryptic" inuendos that apply to specfic people
well a specfic person
I am a puppy dog
I sit and wag my tail patiently for everyone
I'm loyal,
devoted,
easily heartbroken,
and,
utterly stupid
oh
fuck this
bye | | comments: Leave a comment |
| |
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